Motherhood Transformed These Three Areas of My Life

Around two and a half years ago, I became a mother. We had a beautiful birth experience and welcomed our six-pound bundle of joy into the world at 12:13AM. And in the silence of those first tender moments, our world was shattered and was reconstructed in an instant. When I take a moment to look back on my growth into motherhood over the past few years, it becomes very apparent that fundamentally I am changed from the journey into motherhood. In no particular order, here is how motherhood transformed three areas of my life.

Physical- Growing up I knew I had always wanted to be a mother, and had an intuition that somehow I would become more complete as a result. Looking back, this intuition was spot-on, but not in the way I expected. My children absolutely fill my life and vocation with a sense of completeness, but they have also allowed me to be more comfortable with myself, to come home to my body in a sense. When I look back to my young-adulthood, I notice a marked restlessness with the physical nature God gave me. I remember focusing so intensely on external appearances, that I ended up feeling weary and disappointed as a result. It wasn’t until I became a mother that this shifted, since I was thrust into a vocation that necessarily echoed the words of Christ: this is my body, given for you. It wasn’t until I poured myself out and gave myself away that I started to gain a greater sense of peace within myself– a greater sense of the wholeness God has designed for me to experience.

The human body includes right from the beginning…the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence. – St. John Paul II, Theology of the Body, Jan. 16, 1980

Emotional- Once I became a parent I began to understand that emotions are no longer my own, in a sense. When I became elevated, my children quickly became agitated. When I am a bedrock of peace and calm, there is a stability that enters the space with the children. I have learned that children feed off of our non-verbal cues, our emotions, and will behave similarly to the emotional environment that we paint for them. This is new learning that motherhood brought me. Before I became a mother, I only focused on how my own emotions are regulated each day. Now I am so much more aware of how my feelings, even the unspoken, deeper ones, always trickle out and impact the little ones around me. This has forced me to turn to God when I realize I can’t do it all on my own- when I am grappling to manage my own emotions while also helping co-regulate my children. But I am learning that God is ever-loving, ever-present, and ever-constant, that he meets me in these moments too.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Phillipians 4:6)

Spiritual- It seems that motherhood gains access, in a unique way, into the fatherly and tender heart of God. I never knew just how much a parent’s love is aching, all consuming, until I had my own children. And then I realized that this experience of human love is just a glimmer of the Father's indescribable love for us.

“When did God’s love for you begin? When He began to be God. When did He begin to be God? Never, for He has always been without beginning and without end, and so He has always loved you from eternity.” St. Francis de Sales

In my role as a mother I have also come to understand that the type of modelling I provide as a parent becomes subconsciously my child’s first conception of God. What a humbling realization, and what an amazing opportunity to mirror God‘s love! This revelation has prompted me to take a more serious look at my faith life, and to seek to deepen my relationship with our Heavenly Father each day. Whether it's asking for patience or offering up a small word of thanks, there are so many times now as a mother that I feel drawn to pray by necessity in the moment. St. Therese of Lisieux is a beacon of light for me as I seek to grow in faith during this busy season with little ones. She says: “You know well enough that Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them… Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love.”

Around two and a half years ago, I became a mother. And while my world was shattered and was reconstructed in an instant, it was also transformed and renewed at the same time. I thank God that I have the privilege of living in this vocation, since I am more whole, a truly changed person as a result. Praise God!