My Messy Path to Holiness: A Short Reflection

While we may reminisce in the past or try to look ahead to the future, God is active and living here and now. His presence, “sharper than a two edged sword“ (Hebrews 4:12), is found in the current moment. For us that means that God's will for us exists only in the present, and to do it is only possible within each lived moment. So as a wife and mother, I have come to realize that God‘s will for me is the laundry, the dishes, the diaper changes. And while unglamorous as that may be, that is God‘s will for me in my current season, and therefore my path to holiness.

In her book, This Present Paradise, Claire Dwyer notes how as a wife and mother, God's path for her is "lined with fingerprints and smudge marks". How remarkably fitting! I am discovering that the reality of authentic holiness and communion with God is not an idyllic, picture-perfect scene of sanctity that I envision. But rather, holiness seems to be the messy, lived experience of continually reaching upwards to God each day, each moment, even amidst the flurry of handing out cracker-snacks and wiping runny noses. This is the beautiful and holy reality of my path that God wants.

As I dwell on this call of Christ for me, I reflect on the reality that Christ himself not only came into the messiness of our human existence, but literally embraced it. He doesn’t shy away from me when I’m having a rough day or feeling overwhelmed. If anything, He longs even more to meet me in the messiness of my present, in all of the stroller walks and meal prep. But the question is, do I seek Him out – do I meet Him in the moments God gives me? Or am I so wrapped up in my own thoughts or concerns or busyness that I miss His presence each day? This is something that I am grappling with right now, and I think it’s the right struggle to engage in. I will end with a gorgeous quote from Claire Dwyer, who summarizes this so well:

“May my life be a continual prayer, a long act of love. May nothing distract me from You, no noise or distractions. I would so love, my Master, to live with You in silence. But what I love above all is to do Your will, and since You want me to be in the world at present, I submit myself with all my heart for love of You. I offer You the cell of my heart to be your little Bethany; come and live there, I love You so much.” - Claire Dwyer, This Present Paradise: A Spiritual Journey with St. Elizabeth of the Trinity